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The price we pay for life is death. Now, we need to define “life” and “death” in order to fully understand that sentence. There are numerous interpretations of the two words, practically all of them valid in one context or another, some of them contradictory or ambiguous enough to be confusing.
This is how we define life: individuated corporeal existence. As Numenists, we believe we exist on many levels and layers and in more dimensions than we can currently sense. Each of our lives has the impact on other lives that a current of wind has on the earth. In other words, some of us are blowhards, and some such gentle zephyrs we pass through this existence with hardly a trace.
When our individuated corporeal existence ends, that is death. Those of us who remain as individuated corporeal beings lack the ability to remain in the same contact with those who died as was experienced while all were simultaneously alive. Death is as much a gateway to another form of existence as birth was, and we are limited in our experiences by birth on one end and death on the other.
Since this essay is about dying and death, any mention of life will be from the perspective of dying and death, which shows only a small facet of all that is life.
It can be, and often has been, said that death begins at birth, that life is but a rehearsal for what comes after death. We Numenists aren’t as confident of this assertion entirely. Yes, we agree that death begins at birth. When we are born, though, we are born with a few attributes and precious little else. After we die, we feel that very little of what we accomplish while living passes through with us – a distilled essence. So much of what we do in life is repetitive, hardly worth remembering, that it wouldn’t surprise us at all to discover that those repetitive minutiae are shed when we die. Only the lessons, the crossroads of our lives, the important, memorable bits pass through to join with the memories and important bits of all other lives in the gestalt that we have named Dea Nutrix.
Death, then, is the opposite of birth; where birth separates us into individuated beings, death blends us back. Whether we (and we use the term loosely at this point) are reborn as the same sort of individuated corporeal being as we once were or if we are birthed as something entirely else is pure speculation on our part.
When a Numenist begins the final approach to death, assuming it is a slow decline, as by age or disease, we have celebrations and directions on how to assist the dying through that stage of their lives. Perhaps the most important one is Talkin, which takes several stages.
The first stage of Talkin is the Sharing. We visit the dying and we ask about their life, recording their memories and stories to share among ourselves. It’s not a one-way street, where we extract the memories of the dying and give them nothing in return. We give back to them what memories and stories we have that involve them. This may spark more memories or not, that isn’t the point. The point is to establish connections, good and bad. Not all memories are pleasant, but they are all worthy if they left enough of an impression to recall years later.
If the dying person is in a hospital, we set up a small altar, which consists of an offering bowl plus whatever the dying feels should be there, and bring an offering (usually a flower or a pinch of colored salt unless we know their Numen prefers something else) each time we visit. If it’s in their home, we visit their altar to leave an offering.
The second stage of Talkin is Reparations. In this stage, the dying often want to make amends for things they feel they’ve done wrong during their lives. It’s equally as important for the living to make amends to the dying. A lot of activity can occur here. In some cases, it’s verbal. In others, action must be taken – debts paid, wrongs righted, letters sent, gifts made, arrangements set, property disposed of, that sort of thing.
Sharing and Reparations can take place concurrently, and may take place over days, weeks, or even years. To become an Elder in Numenism, this portion of Talkin must be started, and it cannot be started before the person is 50 if they are otherwise healthy.
The final stage of Talkin occurs as close to death as possible. This is when the dying is given instructions on death itself, the last words they are likely to hear. These words are whispered by the minister or the caretaker of the House to which the dying belongs. If they don’t belong to a house, it may be their closest family member or friend who whispers these words to them. These final words are often referred to as “last rites”.
In extremis, many Numenists carry a card that has these words printed on them that anyone may read to them. This card contains medical, religious, and contact information, HIPAA instructions, and the final words. We highly recommend all people carry such cards in case of an accident. Our cards say the bearer is a Numenist and it is not acceptable to offer the last rites of any other religion, along with Living Will instructions, who is to be notified and given medical status information, who is to be contacted for administering last rites, and the words of our last rites in case they must be given by a non-Numenist.
To this point, all of our celebrations and activities have been in support of the dying. As long as the dying person is still alive, they should be the primary object of support, attention, and activity.
We’ve found, over the last 40 years, that those who converge to care for the dying provide a secondary support group for themselves. The customary actions, whether done in a ritualized manner or freeform (and I prefer freeform), gives them a way to accept the impending death and to cope with the grief that will follow and at the same time gives them a feeling of closeness and participation – that “closure” therapists are always harping on about.
When the dying person dies, the focus shifts to the living. During the Talkin, funeral arrangements have already been made; only a few phone calls are needed to set them in motion. Those who grieve the deepest need not make any decisions and can give themselves over to grief. They are kept fed, and someone visits them unobtrusively – ie, they go over to do homework or read a book or take a nap or watch a movie or TV show. The grieving person is free to withdraw or to join them. It’s the knowledge that someone’s there that helps.
Time really does ease grief, but there’s no sense telling this to the person who is currently hurting from the loss. They don’t want to hear it and they don’t need to hear it.
The funeral (which is usually open to everybody) is followed by a memorial service of Numenists and close friends. Here, we retell the stories of the deceased, with photos, and movies, and memorabilia. It may be presented as a party or a dinner. There’s music and tears and dancing. Everyone gets a token to add to their Remembrance Boxes. Those Houses that keep a Story Rope will display the Rope, and tassel the end of the deceased’s Story Line, the tassel symbolizing that the one life has become many. In future celebrations, the deceased’s story continues to be retold as part of the House’s history.
As for sudden death, the focus is with the survivors and living people, with modifications to help with funerary and memorial arrangements. The grieving process is more intense and lasts longer, and the bereaved may need professional help, but community support is still important.
The memorial service is always held after the funeral at a time when the primary bereaved are ready for it. With sudden death, the memorial service sometimes needs to be repeated, either within a few months or on the anniversary of the death. Usually, on the anniversary is best because that brings comfort and the desired closure therapists seek.
The Sharing is usually a compilation of other people's memories and whatever memoribilia the deceased left behind. Reparations has to be done in absentia, usually in a smaller ceremony separate from the funeral and memorial, and often scheduled between them.
A lot of this is modified to suit the temperament and desires of the individuals involved, but this is our basic bare bones ritual and celebration of dying and death. Birth takes 9 months to accomplish and prepare for. Should death take less?
This is how we define life: individuated corporeal existence. As Numenists, we believe we exist on many levels and layers and in more dimensions than we can currently sense. Each of our lives has the impact on other lives that a current of wind has on the earth. In other words, some of us are blowhards, and some such gentle zephyrs we pass through this existence with hardly a trace.
When our individuated corporeal existence ends, that is death. Those of us who remain as individuated corporeal beings lack the ability to remain in the same contact with those who died as was experienced while all were simultaneously alive. Death is as much a gateway to another form of existence as birth was, and we are limited in our experiences by birth on one end and death on the other.
Since this essay is about dying and death, any mention of life will be from the perspective of dying and death, which shows only a small facet of all that is life.
It can be, and often has been, said that death begins at birth, that life is but a rehearsal for what comes after death. We Numenists aren’t as confident of this assertion entirely. Yes, we agree that death begins at birth. When we are born, though, we are born with a few attributes and precious little else. After we die, we feel that very little of what we accomplish while living passes through with us – a distilled essence. So much of what we do in life is repetitive, hardly worth remembering, that it wouldn’t surprise us at all to discover that those repetitive minutiae are shed when we die. Only the lessons, the crossroads of our lives, the important, memorable bits pass through to join with the memories and important bits of all other lives in the gestalt that we have named Dea Nutrix.
Death, then, is the opposite of birth; where birth separates us into individuated beings, death blends us back. Whether we (and we use the term loosely at this point) are reborn as the same sort of individuated corporeal being as we once were or if we are birthed as something entirely else is pure speculation on our part.
When a Numenist begins the final approach to death, assuming it is a slow decline, as by age or disease, we have celebrations and directions on how to assist the dying through that stage of their lives. Perhaps the most important one is Talkin, which takes several stages.
The first stage of Talkin is the Sharing. We visit the dying and we ask about their life, recording their memories and stories to share among ourselves. It’s not a one-way street, where we extract the memories of the dying and give them nothing in return. We give back to them what memories and stories we have that involve them. This may spark more memories or not, that isn’t the point. The point is to establish connections, good and bad. Not all memories are pleasant, but they are all worthy if they left enough of an impression to recall years later.
If the dying person is in a hospital, we set up a small altar, which consists of an offering bowl plus whatever the dying feels should be there, and bring an offering (usually a flower or a pinch of colored salt unless we know their Numen prefers something else) each time we visit. If it’s in their home, we visit their altar to leave an offering.
The second stage of Talkin is Reparations. In this stage, the dying often want to make amends for things they feel they’ve done wrong during their lives. It’s equally as important for the living to make amends to the dying. A lot of activity can occur here. In some cases, it’s verbal. In others, action must be taken – debts paid, wrongs righted, letters sent, gifts made, arrangements set, property disposed of, that sort of thing.
Sharing and Reparations can take place concurrently, and may take place over days, weeks, or even years. To become an Elder in Numenism, this portion of Talkin must be started, and it cannot be started before the person is 50 if they are otherwise healthy.
The final stage of Talkin occurs as close to death as possible. This is when the dying is given instructions on death itself, the last words they are likely to hear. These words are whispered by the minister or the caretaker of the House to which the dying belongs. If they don’t belong to a house, it may be their closest family member or friend who whispers these words to them. These final words are often referred to as “last rites”.
In extremis, many Numenists carry a card that has these words printed on them that anyone may read to them. This card contains medical, religious, and contact information, HIPAA instructions, and the final words. We highly recommend all people carry such cards in case of an accident. Our cards say the bearer is a Numenist and it is not acceptable to offer the last rites of any other religion, along with Living Will instructions, who is to be notified and given medical status information, who is to be contacted for administering last rites, and the words of our last rites in case they must be given by a non-Numenist.
To this point, all of our celebrations and activities have been in support of the dying. As long as the dying person is still alive, they should be the primary object of support, attention, and activity.
We’ve found, over the last 40 years, that those who converge to care for the dying provide a secondary support group for themselves. The customary actions, whether done in a ritualized manner or freeform (and I prefer freeform), gives them a way to accept the impending death and to cope with the grief that will follow and at the same time gives them a feeling of closeness and participation – that “closure” therapists are always harping on about.
When the dying person dies, the focus shifts to the living. During the Talkin, funeral arrangements have already been made; only a few phone calls are needed to set them in motion. Those who grieve the deepest need not make any decisions and can give themselves over to grief. They are kept fed, and someone visits them unobtrusively – ie, they go over to do homework or read a book or take a nap or watch a movie or TV show. The grieving person is free to withdraw or to join them. It’s the knowledge that someone’s there that helps.
Time really does ease grief, but there’s no sense telling this to the person who is currently hurting from the loss. They don’t want to hear it and they don’t need to hear it.
The funeral (which is usually open to everybody) is followed by a memorial service of Numenists and close friends. Here, we retell the stories of the deceased, with photos, and movies, and memorabilia. It may be presented as a party or a dinner. There’s music and tears and dancing. Everyone gets a token to add to their Remembrance Boxes. Those Houses that keep a Story Rope will display the Rope, and tassel the end of the deceased’s Story Line, the tassel symbolizing that the one life has become many. In future celebrations, the deceased’s story continues to be retold as part of the House’s history.
As for sudden death, the focus is with the survivors and living people, with modifications to help with funerary and memorial arrangements. The grieving process is more intense and lasts longer, and the bereaved may need professional help, but community support is still important.
The memorial service is always held after the funeral at a time when the primary bereaved are ready for it. With sudden death, the memorial service sometimes needs to be repeated, either within a few months or on the anniversary of the death. Usually, on the anniversary is best because that brings comfort and the desired closure therapists seek.
The Sharing is usually a compilation of other people's memories and whatever memoribilia the deceased left behind. Reparations has to be done in absentia, usually in a smaller ceremony separate from the funeral and memorial, and often scheduled between them.
A lot of this is modified to suit the temperament and desires of the individuals involved, but this is our basic bare bones ritual and celebration of dying and death. Birth takes 9 months to accomplish and prepare for. Should death take less?