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([personal profile] talon Apr. 1st, 2010 12:38 pm)

In order to boost sagging sales, newspapers have developed edible paper with flavored edible inks. The main news and headliners will be flavored with entrees such as pot roast, fried chicken, tilapia, and baked ham. Other sections will provide vegetable, fruit, and dessert flavors with the sports section being chips, dips, and buffalo wings.

They expect the flavored newspapers to debut on Tax Day. There is no nutritional value, they are calorie free, and may contain nuts, soy, dairy, seafood, and wheat.

Shocking news out of France reveals that Shakespeare's mother was a cousin to the French Crown and was half-French. This has been confirmed by the venerable Shakespeare Birthplace Trust in Avon. Britons are understandably distraught as they purge their homes of all things Franco, including the once-beloved Shakespeare.

Google has added a new section of translation tools allowing pet owners and farmers to communicate with their animals. Current languages available include Dog (purebreds only, mixed breed languages such as Afolli, Airedoodle, Jahua Hund, and Chug are still being worked on), Domestic Shorthair Cat, Cow and the related Bull, Ferret, and Giraffe. Anticipated languages coming online in the near future include Timberwolf, Monarch Butterfly, Honeybee, Elephant, and Domestic Skunk.

BMW now has a new GPS that will track the hidden roads of the country, allowing BMW owners to go where no car has gone before. The 2011 BMWs will have this new Ground GPS as a standard feature, but current BMW owners may order one for their cars at any local BMW dealership.

Sarah Palin changed her party affiliation from Republican to PETA and has sworn she will never hunt again. Many think this is a publicity stunt for her up-coming reality show, and others believe it's simply pregnancy hormones as rumors abound that she's expecting again. Perhaps the truth will be revealed at her Easter $260,000 a plate fundraiser.

Central Park's famous bunnies have gone feral. There are reports of the cute wild cottontails feasting on raccoons and toying with the feral cat population. Park rangers say they've found bunny warrens filled with flat screen TVs and witnessed a pair of bunny bucks battling over a remote.

If you're always scribbling things on random scraps of paper - phone numbers, story ideas, shopping lists - and then promptly losing the paper, worry no more! Now there's the Memory Pen that remembers what you write with it and stores it all on a built in 4 gig USB that plugs easily into your computer. A click and there's your list, your phone numbers, even your doodles! The pen comes with 2 free ink refills and a coupon to upgrade to a 1 terrabyte USB for the truly prolific writer.

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