Over or Under?

[talon]

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/12/02/etiquette.significant.other/index.html?hpt=Sbin

Either they are over-thinking gifting and assigning way more importance to it, or I am seriously under-thinking gifting.

I've never thought of gifts as communicating anything more than "I'm thinking of you." Apparently, I should have been thinking it communicates the permanence and nuances of a relationship and my own financial position.

Ah well, if others want to stress over gift-giving, so be it.

My friends are happy with my gifting procedures - if they need it and I can afford it, it's theirs. If they express a desire for something and never get it for themselves, maybe I will. If it's something that will make their life easier or happier or more fun, I'll probably get it for them. I don't wait for any special occasions. The time to give gifts is always now. Later may be too late. I hate having a gift I hoarded for some special occasion be a gift I can never give because they died. At my age, death is becoming too common. I don't wait anymore. OK - sometimes, I'll wait for a birthday, if that person is young and the birthday is close.

Holiday gifts are mere tokens - literally. They are souvenirs of the holiday - an ornament symbolizing the event. I have a bowl full of such tokens. They are thankfully small - usually a twist of ribbon or a painted rock or some mini-ornament or blinged out shell or beads or something that looks good in a collector's display case or in a bowl or hung on a wreath or something. Tiny. Dust collectors with memories attached.

Some gifts are redeemable tokens - for example, I give out tokens that allow others to ask favors of me or my descendants. These are usually polymer or metal tokens with the date it was given and the service it commands. That service can be as simple as providing a place to stay for a set amount of time or as involved as supporting a cause or making a trip or concerning making a commitment or a sacrifice of some sort. It may be paying off a debt for someone because they paid off one of my debts, or training a pet or teaching their child one of my skills or using my skills or network to help them out. Whatever. This isn't the same as those "coupon books" where you can redeem a day of babysitting or a day of ironing or a visit to a park type of coupons exchanged within families. I do those, too. A token is for bigger favors, generally than redeeming them for everyday chores.

And some favors are so big and so important they or their descendants can call on my descendants to redeem it. Those are - by their nature - rare.

I don't stress out over gifting, and I don't spend more than I can afford. And I don't feel obligated to give gifts to every single person with whom I interact. Waiters/resses get tips when I eat out, not gifts (unless I ever become a regular somewhere, in which case I may revise this). Co-workers I rarely or never see - no gifts. Just because they work where I do doesn't mean they get gifts. Maybe they'll get some of the snacks I make and bring in irregularly whenever I feel like it. Remote family members I never see or have never met (newborns excluded) - maybe I'll send a note to them. Co-religionists I've never met - same thing. Mail carriers - I leave them iced bottled water in the summer and refill their winter thermos with coffee (or tea - there's one I converted to tea drinking after letting him taste a sample of the tea he kept delivering and asked about). And so on.

People make such a big deal over gifting, making up rules and building up expectations, and then getting ulcers over it or "broken hearts".

I think concentrating gifting to one or two major times of the year makes it difficult for people to deal with.