http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2010/11/10/2010-11-10_mommy_blogger_reveals_preschool_son_is_gay__is_she_revealing_too_much_of_her_son.html

I absolutely detest and deplore the current trend to sexualize children.

Just because your 5 year old son likes dressing up and wearing make-up doesn't make him gay - he's far too young to know or care about that. My boys all loved dressing up - still do as a matter of fact. Three grew up to be happy heterosexuals and the 4th is asexual. My girls played with cars and construction toys and wore pants as a preference. Two grew up to be happy heterosexuals, one is bi-sexual, and the 4th thinks she's probably gay, but since she's still a virgin isn't sure. As long as she remains a virgin, she's still pre-sexual and I feel shouldn't be labeled as heter or homo or any shade of gender preference in between.

I think all children should be considered "pre-sexual", with undefined gender identification, and allowed to experiment around until they become actively sexual and determine what they want to be sexually.

And even after they've decided, it's not locked in stone. I've seen friends who grew up heterosexual, who believed they were heterosexual, were happy being heterosexual, change. Some became gay, and some became bisexual, and some became asexual.

There are, of course, those who start life and end it with the exact same gender preferences and sexuality, but in my experience, many people don't fully settle into their gender preferences and sexuality until they are at least in their mid-20s. Or maybe mid-30's. A few don't ever settle.

I think it is wrong to impose a gender preference and sexual identity on someone else, and I consider it criminally wrong to do so to children, especially children we, as a society, consider too young to be exposed to sex.

Oh, wait, that's right. We, as a society, don't consider any child too young for sex. That's why we force babies into gender role identities even before birth, insisting that all baby things be either pink for girls or blue for boys, and all toys for children be deeply segregated into pink girl toys and blue boy toys, and call all the little girls "Princess" and the boys "Bruiser". If a boy prefers pink (and why shouldn't he? Pink was originally a boy color - a paler shade of the forceful, passionate, manly red, where blue was a girl color - calming, soothing, and gentle), society is all aghast.

My boys had doll houses to play with, and sometimes they played house with them and sometimes they ran cars through them in some sort of destruction derby. In their domestic phases, they'd clean and tidy the houses and spend hours in decorating them. In their destructive phases, they'd go Kansas on them with mock tornadoes or Nascar on them with road races through them, racing cars up the stairs and through the windows and getting them stuck in the chimneys. They had a blast with those doll houses. My youngest also had a doll he loved - he named her R'Laisa and even though he's 25 now, he still has that doll. He's thinking of having her repaired so when he has children, he can share his doll with them.

I don't see why we have to so adamantly force our children into any sort of gender role. They will grow up and all-too-soon be whatever gender they want to be. It would be easier on them and us if we didn't immediately scream "OMG! My boy likes girl clothes, He's The Gay!!!" Try saying, "Cool, my boy likes girl clothes - they're pretty and comfortable. Wonder if he'd like a Utilikilt, or an Agbada or a kimono or Bubu" or a dishdasha?"

Liking skirts and dresses doesn't make your 5 year old gay, it makes them adventurous.

Did you know that historically, boys wore girl's clothing until they were fully potty trained - often until they were 6 or 7 years old, when they then started training for work where skirts got in the way? It made sense then, and it makes sense now.

The clothing doesn't make someone gay. An adult calling a child gay is wrong. Peers calling a child gay is also wrong - they often haven't a clue what they are talking about.

And while I'm on this - children need to make close friends of people who are the same gender and having a best friend who's the same gender doesn't make a child gay.

Get it? It's not the clothes, the toys, or the friends that make a person gay. It's not their hobbies, interests, or careers that make a person gay, either.

What makes a person gay is what's in their hearts.

and we often don't know what's in our hearts until well after we're grown up.

So stop with the calling children gay before they know their hearts.

dulcinbradbury: A picture from my rock. :) (Default)

From: [personal profile] dulcinbradbury


Yah, I was going to say all of this. Her point wasn't really about sexuality, but, that people shouldn't be freaking out about the gender presentation of children.
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