Manly Men

[talon]

http://education.newsweek.com/2010/09/29/the-new-minority-on-campus-men.html

According to Michael Kimmel, author of

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<p> http://education.newsweek.com/2010/09/29/the-new-minority-on-campus-men.html <p>According to Michael Kimmel, author of <u<Guyland</u>, "men subscribe to (manly) ideals not because they want to impress women ... (but) because they want to be positively evaluated by other men." Similarly, Alan Berkowitz theorizes that men try to act like "men" because they incorrectly think that other men expect them to. <p>I know I have several men on my reading list who continually bemoan the fact that they don't "feel like a man", and wondering what sorts of rituals or rites-of-passage they need to endure in order to feel like a man. Some do say "adult" rather than "man", but the concept remains the same.<p><lj-cut><p>To me, old female having raised a few sons looking at this issue, most of the "manly" things appear to be destructive rather than constructive or life-affirming. The messages men get about being manly (which comes from other men, for the most part) convey unhealthy attitudes and behaviors that are self-destructive - like thinking it's "uncool" to study or make good grades in school - or even complete high school, let alone seek higher education. These message s come from sit-coms, from commercials and ads, from rumors on the playgrounds and teen gathering spots, from sports, from college fraternities with a party attitude, and from "men's groups" that push destructive attitudes like believing that female success is directly proportional to male failure, or the erroneous belief that more women apply to college and get in. The truth is that most colleges will admit men more easily than women, that all other things being equal, the entrance goes to a man, it's just that more men flunk out once they get in because it's "not manly" to study.<p>So, what are men to do?<p>I think all those men who think they aren't "manly" need to stop a ponder what it really means to be a man, really examine the messages conveyed in sit-coms, music, and ads, and discover for themselves what being manly means.<p>I'll tell you what I think it means: it means taking responsibility for their actions. <p>Not blaming someone else, not accusing someone else of having power over them, not making themselves out to be victims.<p>If men goof off in college and flunk out because it's not "manly" to study, they shouldn't blame their female classmates who do study and earn their degrees.<p>I've heard some men say there are only 4 kinds of paternal authority: moral, emotional, social, and physical. They're wrong, there's more, but men don't seem to think of the other kinds of paternal authority: role model, spiritual guide, financial. When you think about it, traditionally the only maternal authority women had was nurturing, and possibly emotional, but that was tied to nurturing. Men still have all 7 types of paternal authority, it's just that women are now sharing the social and financial - not taking it away, but stepping up to help out. Those men who think all they are is a paycheck have seriously underestimated their contribution to the family.<p>Our economy has shifted into a white collar type of economy, where intellectual power is valued - and men and women have this in equal amounts. It requires communication skills and social intelligence - something men once had - as recently as 200 years ago, and it's something they can easily regain. There is no reason men should not be qualified to succeed in today's economy, but for some reason, they are proving to be remarkably unwilling to adapt to the very society they built.<p>I believe it's because they cling to some very negative views of masculinity, ones perpetuated by sit-coms, movies, ads, and manly man victim groups.<p>So think about it: what makes a man a man?<p>I already know what I think makes a man a man - I've had decades of role models and plenty of time to think, so take your own time. Don't just knee jerk this. Think of what you think makes a man a man, and why, and why it should remain that way.<p></lj-cut>