Me? Old? Naw - and You're Not, Either

[talon]

In other eras, I would be considered ancient, but in today's society, I am barely middle-aged. I can expect to live another 40 years (approximately), and despite the very real possibility of having more life ahead of me than people expected to have for their entire lives in earlier centuries, if I hadn't had this "baby face", I would have been treated as "old" as soon as I turned 40 (that was decades ago, by the way).

I know people who are terrified of turning 30 because "life ends, then". I've lived twice that long and my life is far from over.

Party supply stores sell "over the hill" party goods for people turning 40 that include black balloons, incontinence gifts, and so on. I'm not yet twice 40, but I'll have you know those gifts aren't needed and probably may never be needed.

Jokes aside, people act as if getting old is a disaster, with bodies falling apart and the brain going to mush. How many people talk as if anyone over say - 60 - is too stupid to protect themselves from con artists and ID theft and incapable of understanding the internet?

I think we need to revamp how we view older people.

We aren't (all) frail fragile, stupid, gullible, and gliding along simply waiting for death to claim us.

Life doesn't end at any specific decade. It ends when it ends - through accident, malfeasance, or illness. There's not a magical age at which life ceases to be and you are just a flesh container slowly withering away until death finally claims you.

Even on your deathbed, you're still alive and have living to do.

Only when you are dead is life over.

So stop thinking your life will end when you reach XX Decade.

That way you won't be shocked and dismayed to wake up the day after your XX birthday - still alive, still filled with needs and desires and love and passions.

What are you going to do then?

Me, I kept living and making plans and doing things - fun things.

OK, I didn't have children until I was already past the XX Decade when life supposedly ended, so I got a late start on this whole "my life is over" thing. But my children are all adults now - some of them have passed that "my life is over" birthday - and guess what? I'm still alive and healthy and full of life.

I bet, if you're old like me, you are also full of life and probably healthy, with decades more of life stretching out all glorious and waiting ahead of you.

Sure, we need to think about death and plan for it, mostly because we have loved ones and things to take care of should we die unexpectedly. But once we've made those plans (and update them from time to time), there's the whole rest of our life waiting for us to fill it up with more loved ones and activities and memories and more.

There's too much to life to simply wait for it to end.

So, I propose that we stop waiting for life to end and celebrate this Rite of Passage appropriately, for it is another Rite of Passage. Just as our birth was our first Rite of Passage, and our Coming of Age, and our graduations and housewarmings and weddings and such are rites of passage, so, too, is the realization that your life really isn't over yet and you have still have decades of it to live a Rite of Passage.

I consider that the true Coming of Age Rite of Passage, but since that name was pre-empted by the I've Hit Puberty Rite of Passage, I suppose we need a better name than the doom and gloom "my life is over" one that has dominated in recent years. Some people have come to call this a "Croning" or "Middle Aged Crisis" or other equally depressing names. I eschew them all. I think we should call this our Cresting Rite of Passage, because we are at the height of our abilities and strengths and as the wave passes the crest, it continues on to a stunningly beautiful finish along the shore line. I know this because I've watched the waves on both coasts and while they build, they present all sorts of possibilities, and they rise to an awesome height that may break but never weakens, and hits the shore with a surety and purpose that is inspiring, leaving treasures behind in their wake. The crest is the highest part of something, the showy bits, the "strut your stuff" time.

Yes, I like "Cresting".

Another good choice would be a "Crowning", whose definition includes "something that imparts splendor or honor". Besides, it comes with cool accessories. Brooches, pins, ties, tie tacks, cuff links, pens, scarves, and even actual crowns can be used as motifs and gifts. "Crest" isn't so easy to find in accessories and gifts, but it can be done.

Both "Crest" and "Crown" imply that you have amassed a good deal of experience and knowledge, things you can now start wielding to make your life (and the lives of those about you) better, stronger, happier. There will always be more to learn and experience, but you've now passed all the hard parts and any new learning and new experiences will have the firm foundation of your youth to build on. You aren't as burdened with the fears of inadequacies and don't feel the need to toe society's lines as closely - or to rebel as sharply. Life gets easier because you are more you than ever before.

Mark that moment.

Have a celebration, or create a ritual to express it. Simple ones are often the most moving. Do it with a friend or ten.

And know that your real life is only just beginning.