Can We Stop Calling it "War"?

[talon]

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE6272Q020100308

For a short article, this is a pretty decent one.

Nice matters. Respect is based on a belief in the dignity of all people. Consideration is based on empathy. Manners come from upbringing and a desire to be a decent human being.

Mannerlessness shows a lack of self-respect and ability to empathize that is appalling in its pervasiveness. Those who weren't taught manners as a child and didn't learn them as they matured clues us in on this. Those who reserve their mannered behavior for brown-nosing purposes are demonstrating their lack of self-respect by pre-supposig validation from those they deem their superiors is all that matters. Mannered people may not feel empathy, respect, or even liking for others, but they recognize that, as a being of worth themselves, their lives are better ordered and happier by extending basic politeness to others.

Niceness covers any differences in manners that might occur between cultures. It's a bridge between classes, cultures, and people. It matters because it uplifts both the recipient and the giver - and not just in a spiritual sense, but in an emotional sense - you feel happier when someone is nice to you or you've been nice to someone else.

Empathy isn't innate in everyone, so manners, respect, and niceness cover that for them, bringing about a consideration that is practiced, polished, and perhaps impersonal, but nonetheless there.

I've heard from far too many young people (young, for me, is anyone under 50) that "you have to earn my respect, I don't give it to just anyone" and they are such wrong little dears that I want to smack their heads with a clue-by-four. Such people have lost my respect, a simple little thing I automatically extend to everyone because I deeply believe everyone is innately deserving of it. They deserve respect because of who they are - an individuated corporeal aspect of Dea Nutrix, a being of sanctity, dignity and inherent worth. To withhold respect because "it must be earned" is one of the silliest, most immature things I've ever heard. We extend respect automatically. It can be lost, it can be broken, and it may need to be earned back, but it should always be there at the beginning.

These traits are almost all learned ones: niceness, respect, consideration, manners. Each of them acts to support the others and to allow us to interact with others without rioting, murdering others, or causing mayhem of all sorts. Imagine a world of feral toddlers, each screaming "Mine!" and bashing or biting others to get what they want without any thought of how others might feel, what others could do for and with them, or of their future needs. Because we still have people who understand the importance of these traits within society, it hasn't collapsed into a Lord of the Flies scenario, but some days, I truly wonder.

It seems I may have ranged far from the topic of how others treat the overweight, but whether they weigh 2 pounds or 752 pounds, they are still human and still worthy of the social lubricants of niceness, consideration, respect, and manners. Being overweight does not reduce their humanity, and it certainly doesn't reduce their intelligence, feelings, or dignitas.

Some people are overweight enough to be handicapped by it - but most of us aren't. Except for me, I guess, most people who are overweight are actively trying not to be overweight, have spent large amounts of money on diet and exercise programs and medicines and even surgeries to reduce their weight - often without success. Remember, diet and exercise only work for a small percentage of people. If it worked for you, be happy, but don't presume it will work for everyone else. Overweight people are productive, involved, intelligent, and aware. They know they are overweight and many (not me) really try to do something about it. The whispered slights, the aggressive insults, the pseudo-concerned "advice", the extra fees; none of that does anything at all to promote an atmosphere of respect and health. As "weapons" in the "war on obesity", they fail. Big time.

Like the other social lubricants, word choice is also important. I don't see a reason to "wage war" on obesity. I can see a reason to "promote health" - which is a far more positive and productive way to view things than "waging war". In "war" there are enemies - and the enemy is always a target for nastiness. In a "promotion" there are colleagues and teammates and we're all working together towards a goal.

Can we stop calling it a "war"?